Going through the motions

Its nice to see Britney Spears [Shitney Smears] is back on the conversation agenda; so all those people getting married out there, make sure her name is at the top of the topics list on the reverse of the table name cards. I have not seen her new video, but it was described to me in lurid detail with particular reference to her trashy bikini outfit, and dancing. I believe the phrase "Lazily gyrating" was used, which I think is just brilliant. I immediately thought of her half heartedly swingig on a pole in front of a bored audience, while carrying out a conversation on post dance activities with a friend, off stage. "Yeah, I'll just finish up here and we can pick up 3 crates of bacardi breezers and maybe some archer's aqua schnapps. I really like the citris one, it makes my spew really invigorating and Sean Preston thinks it tickles.
I perused some sites with opinion on Britney's new look, but was sidetracked by the names of people posting. I wish I'd thought of calling myself Piglet Baldwin, though I would never make the typo or the statement "Koncking me out with those American thighs".
I suppose if I thought I looked good I'd dress as trashily as Britney, but thats another post entirely.
So Britney's dance was lacklustre, without the joie de vivre evident in say, Madonna humping her boom box. Cursory, bored, out of it?
I too was going through the motions today, but I was not lazily gyrating. You better believe that if I were gyrating it would be with frenetic enthusiasm. No, I had a job interview. I had a job interview, being interviewed by people who have interviewed me about five times before, and never given me a job. I get to wondering what the point is, and what is wrong with me but I will withhold the sustained bitch session until I know I definitely did not get the job.

Aqua Schnapps update

Well, I've no doubt you were all anxiously awaiting the update from my Archer's Aqua Schnapps experience. Did I end up hitting the town with my posse, dressed up like angels? Did I succumb to the call of sequins and spandex?

No.

I was completely underwhelmed by the synthetic tang, but the next day I woke up feeling really sick. Now I would love to blame the alco-pop, but I suspect that I am getting the 'flu. Should have got that free injection.

Anyway, I missed out on volunteer work as a result, so I was quite the lady of leisure today. Should have hit the town with my peeps last night after all.

Can I ever feel safe again?

When people face persecution like this?

And to think I was toying with the idea of further tempting fate by getting some sweet Patricia Bartlett glasses. People would find sand just so they could kick it at me.

But enough of that seriousness; I am broaching the Aqua Schnapps. All thoughts of spectacles will henceforth depart, and I'll soon be getting peroxided, blow waved and bouffant. The power of Archers compels me.

Mmmm, apple with chemical aftertaste.

Just to prove I don't always moan about ads

I was just thinking how the local deity smiled upon me the other day; two unopened bottles of aqua schnapps just sitting outside the dairy in a bag. Usually its only the neighbourhood dogs who get a treat from there, but soon my flatmate and I shall be spiralling into an alcopop frenzy. In all liklihood we shall be dancing around a handbag in the middle of the room.

But while I wait for my 250ml sugar water debauch I am making use of the living room while no-one else is around. Indulging my no longer secret passion for Robin of Sherwood. I have some videos taped from TV in the 80s, and there are some commercials left in the mix. Watties Jelly fruit, the Wella Woman ad, Mark Todd & Bell Tea, Flemings Chewy Muesli bars (Chew me out of my mind...a MIGHTY snack).

If I did not love the soft focus hey nonny nonny so much I would just fast forward to the next break.

Which brings me to another great thing about living around here. I can always wander up to Robin Hood park on those foggy Dunedin days, and earnestly hope that Herne the Hunter will appear to tell me that I am the chosen one. Any day now...

Werther's Originals

Just another sweet in a long line to promote itself using the "traditional goodness" approach. The current advertisements show the typical nauseating anglo-saxon boy child, visiting has paedophile-like uncle who is brewing up another batch of creamy, rich goodness. The wholesomeness is palpable, and one can't help but think that Werther's are the sweet that Jesus would endorse.

Archer's aqua schnapps on the other hand, seems to be aiming for the trashy slapper market (She's never turned down an Archer's Aqua Schnapps before"). I feel like this is ushering in a new era of cosmopolitan womanhood, and anxiously await the coming of Lambrini to our as yet benighted shores.

Ladies, pay particular attention to the guides, and blokes - well, you have just been treated an exclusive insight into what women really think!